I used to consider myself a highly capable individual. I maintained a high stress, high demand, job and completed a masters degree within a few years. That was before the fibro got strong.

Brain fog and sleep issues had plagued me for since before I started working on the degree. Caffeine, exercise, healthy diet, and mediation helped me manage the brain fog and allowed me to function regardless of how little sleep I had. While working on the degree everything got worse and I blamed it on the late nights and weekends. Once I graduated I would get caught up on sleep and start feeling better. After graduation I started getting more sleep everything did improve, I was able to cut back on the caffeine and enjoy myself.

I had a little over a year between when I finished my masters and when I developed severe carpal tunnel and guyon’s canal syndrome in both wrists. I lived in front of the computer during the work week. During lunch I would exercise at the gym and in the evenings I would work on a podcast, websites, software development, and electronics projects. On the weekends I would work in my gardens or on my cars, and also on my computer. My wrists have always gotten sore after long periods of time in front of the computer, noticed it when I first got a computer in high school. I would always fix my ergonomics and improve it for a while, but it continued to get worse over the years. That year, within a span of a month, the pain went from a 2 or 3 out of 10, to a 9 out of 10.

By the end of April 2011 the pain was so intense that I could only sleep two or three hours a night, at best four. During that time I was diagnosed as having two pinched nerves in each wrist, and within a month surgery was scheduled for the end of June. The pain was so terrible that neither otc analgesics or prescription pain killers helped. I had no appetite and even a small meal would leave my stomach upset. I ended up losing thirty pounds over three months.

After surgery I assumed the pain would go away, it lessened. After six months I returned to the doctor’s office to find out why, they told me it looked like spinal stenosis. Next it was off to a back doctor, but with over a month wait I tried chiropractic. Each morning I would wake up feeling a 2 or 3, by the end of the day the pain would be a 7 or 8, sometimes higher. More than once I laid in bed, writhing and screaming out from the pain. Chiropractic helped to relieve the pain and discovered that I have scoliosis. Thanks to the chiropractor I was able to function a little outside of work, I could once again roller blade and do basic housework.

After a couple months and a couple visit to the back doctor, all they could find was the scoliosis. Ended up going through a handful of other tests and saw a pain management specialist, all they could do was prescribe me gabapentin. Gabapentin helped, but the dose I was on was too high and I had bad mental reactions to it. After that I only used the gabapentin when the pain would flare up. At best I felt limited, unable to enjoy my hobbies, forced to rest and recover. During that time my body deteriorated.

Fast forward a few years and I am still limited. December 2013 I weaned myself off my ADHD medication and over the following six months I put on nearly forty pounds. Summer 2014 I started swimming, it was not easy, but I slowly improved. By October it was too cold to swim and I stopped progressing. For most of November 2014 through April 2015 I walked to and from work, 1.5 miles each way. When I started I struggled, I had to stop for breaks and would arrive in pain, soaked in sweat. After a couple of months I was able to pick up the pace and started power walking. Now it is too hot out to walk to work, thus I have started swimming again and I was even able to jog short distances.

Jogging may be an accomplishment, but it was something the before the fibro became strong I never had issues with. If I was still living in my house I would be struggling with the house and yard work. I want to start freelance programming again, which I did before I started my master’s, but too much time on the computer at night means struggling at work the next day. I’m lucky I can maintain a full time job, even if just only. Six weeks of PTO a year and I will use almost all of it as sick time. I always thought that I could do anything I put my mind to, now I can only do what my body allows me to.

I won’t stop exercising, it’s helped me beat the fatigue and I believe it will continue to help my overall health. I barely capable, but I survive, and I may never be as capable as I was before, but that won’t stop me from trying to get back to that state.